Stupid Friendship sinking

Here we go again,there is never a peacefull day where i can actually be with them happily just talking and laughing.I fell like i was never actually suppose to be there like an outcast like so unwanted till they dont even wanna look at you...So desserted...So tired....So painfull...Yup maybe horyan is right ...I sure have plenty of things to change and maybe the real reason i really like Jia xin is simply because i need someone to fell that empty space where Hor yan have been standing ... But i guess Jia xin have already heard the rumor from God know who...And now ...Again another one just fell discusted when she sees me No more old fashion hi and smile Just ond col flash of invisibility when she passes thru...I really dont know why must i be treated that way...Am i wrong liking a person ...Leong zhe hao ....Please just leave us alone Please Me and her...I knwo that it is impossible but can u at least let us be frens???????????????I know u had sumthing with her but please....Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Maybe this is the true destiny for me ...Being thrown at the sea with nothing but sharks to eat u when your dead....Well the truth is actually everytime im alone somewhere I always tought the way i could change the way i do not cos i know everyone is sick of my attitiude including my mum lol But everytime i be with u guys ....It all changes And u guys just think that i am the way i am and who i am and i will never change Please try putting yourself in my shoes and try to experience ....All this while after i broke up with Hor yan ...Things change alot for me All this while...Trying to change bcos of a promise i made with her ...But...it feel like even the world is against u And...The ship of frens is finally sinking Trying to save it but bcos of my fucking atttidue i failed again and again Teh wei yuan ...I dont know wat issue i have with u but i dont know why u are seriously a fucking pain the the ass dude ... I really dont wanna fell that way ... I dont care wat u heard about me talking bad or doing things about u which is truelly smashing I just wanna tell u to trust wat u see and not wat u hear!!!I dont know wat u did to all those people to make then adore u like shit but please ... Let me tell u sumthing .... Dont climb over people's head And all those insulting and those crazy shouts of yours Do you know how discusting that really is???? Try thinking of it It is really sickening And i am not trying to blame u for pulling me to XXX But ...urgh...U put me in that place and not u are with XY talking God knows wat...U can do all those suckers job to people but if even a small thing over your plastic bottle u get mad and show your temper like a crazy baboon Gosh~Damn u la seriously...Shernese is it really neccesarry to post my letters to the public Gosh wat has gotten into u ??? oh watever Just wishing that today will be a perfectly fine day all things goes well either with frens or enemies... Fingers cross May the God bless me enough to save my sinking ship of friendship